Blog > 20 Unique Best Man Speech One Liners

20 Unique Best Man Speech One Liners

Choosing the right Best Man speech one liner can be the make or break element in your performance. Choose from this list of unique, interactive and brave options, depending how much you want to stick your neck out there.

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Best man speech one liners


The Best Man is known for a few cheeky one liners. It’s almost tradition. A good Best Man speech one liner or two adds a nice bit of flavour to your speech. I have listed out a few good ones that you can use. Feel free to tweak them to suit you best. 

Unique Best Man speech one liners

  • ‘An unmarried man is incomplete, a married man is… finished. No, that came out wrong.’ 
  • ‘Don’t worry my speech won’t take too long today, because of my throat. Sarah has threatened to cut it if I go on for too long. And Tom has threatened to cut it if I mention anything about the stag weekend in Liverpool.’ 
  • ‘Sarah deserves a wonderful successful loving husband. Thank goodness Tom married her before she found one.’ 
  • ‘The marriage ceremony, asks that couples take each other for better or for worse. Tom, in marrying Sarah you really couldn’t have done any better. Sarah in marrying Tom… it could be worse.’ 
  • ‘When Tom met Sarah it was love at first sight. Pure and Simple. Sarah was pure and Tom was simple.’ 
  • ‘A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.’ 
  • ‘Marrying Tom is like winning the lottery but never having any money for the rest of your life.’ 
  • ‘Love is blind, only marriage opens your eyes.’ 
  • ‘I love marriage. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.’ 
  • ‘Marriage after kids is basically a ‘who’s more tired? competition.’ 
  • ‘Marriage is easy. It’s basically just deciding what to watch on Netflix.’ 
  • ‘Marriage is basically peeing with the door open and not caring.’ 
  • ‘Marriage is essentially being able to watch another person eat chicken wings without feeling sick.’ 
  • ‘Marriage is spending the rest of your life trying to get out of debt with someone.’

Interactive one liners

  • During your speech, ask the Groom to put his hand over the Bride’s; then joke that it’s the last time the Groom will have the ‘upper hand’. 
  • When the guest are applauding as you stand up just gesture for them to quieten down and say, ‘What a reception!’ 
  • Stand up. Remove a peach from your pocket and hold it up for everyone to see. Say ‘I’m sorry, there’s been a misunderstanding on my part. I have nothing else prepared.’ Sit back down. 

Brave one liners 

  • ‘I am actually a little nervous doing this, luckily I already tested it in front of a tough crowd, down the local old-folks home, and I think it went down quite well. They all pissed themselves anyway.’ 
  • ‘Rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, I’ve promised Tom and Sarah that if there is anything slightly risqué, I’ll whip it out immediately.’ 
  • ‘Tom is a great guy and he will no doubt be a great husband. Any girl is safe with him. He never lets his hands wander, they’re far too busy holding on to his money.’ 


We hope you find the perfect fit from this list of Best Man speech one liners. Let us know how it goes and reach out if you have a one liner that you think should be added to the list!

Get the Best Man Speech Guidebook

If you are thinking about your upcoming Best Man duties or need to draft your speech in a hurry you can check out the book the Best Man Speech Guidebook for even more tips and a full list of Best Man speech hacks. It contains the important do’s and don’ts in wedding speech etiquette, some great one-liners, visual gag options, but most importantly a clear speech structure and tried and tested speech templates.

The Best Man guide

For more advice and ideas for all of your Best Man duties, check out our Ultimate Best Man Guide page.

More Best Man speech advice

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